you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
