I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
