Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
