how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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