they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
