I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
