Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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