Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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