This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
