At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
