alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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