i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
