just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
