Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
