TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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