Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
