we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
