so that wasnt chicken after all
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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