sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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