His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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