Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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