i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
