You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
