I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
