If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
