standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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