the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
