Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
