well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
