butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
