Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
