Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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