what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
