i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
