Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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