You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
