Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I want a musical about memes.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Two words: nipple clamps
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