she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
