she woke up with a sticky ear
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
