So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
