She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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