i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
