today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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