Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
