hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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