Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
