we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
