Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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