Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
