I have demons in me.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's never too late to be topless.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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