he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
