Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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