Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
