He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
